On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
