I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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