i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
