some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
