new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
