Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
