i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
