I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize