I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
