It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
