So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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