Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
