she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dick has a subreddit
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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