I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
