mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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