your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
