the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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