We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
