my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
