btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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