It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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