i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
