How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
