just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
