mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My cat gives me a boner
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize