I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
