Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
