his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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