Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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