so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's rum buckets o'clock
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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