then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
