oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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