there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
