Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
