If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
