I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
