Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had to coat check the pizza.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
