He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
