Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
