party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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