you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
