I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I could teleport
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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