I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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