I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
