I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
