I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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