9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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