i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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