it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
