are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
