i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
