After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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