Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
