She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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