so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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