party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
