Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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