I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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