Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
