Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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