Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
