I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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