Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
