Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
