she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
