If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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