omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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