fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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