11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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