Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
