i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
