her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
