Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You made out with two different species that night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
