guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize