U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
