Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize