ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
