Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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