Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
