yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
