haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
