the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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