and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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