honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
