I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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