Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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