i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
