ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
