when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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