So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
