Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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