i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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