Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
