but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Couch. On fire.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
