I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
