he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
