PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
