You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
