just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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