she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
