He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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