There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
