Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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