Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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