shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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