You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
